Professional Whiners! Stop Them Before They Multiply!
Posted: Wednesday, August 08, 2007
by Vickie Locke
No Whine Zone
We all know them. They complain about everything from the taste of toothpaste to international affairs; they moan about their circumstances but do little to change things. They greet personal responsibility like a vampire greets the sun. Yes, these are the Professional Whiners--and their numbers are growing!
I am a recovering Whiner. In my early years, my incessant whining assaulted enough eardrums to warrant prominent placement on the Official List of Reportable Injuries and Dangerous Occurrences. I whined and complained about everything: "I can't do it. It's not my fault. I'm doing the best I can.
In my 30 year business career, it is amazing how often I have found myself in the company of people who don't get the idea of personal responsibility.
They complain and blame, yet take little action to help themselves.
Professional Whiners have become a sophisticated bunch. They have evolved into experts in the art of avoiding work and responsibility.
The Teflon Whiners have perfected the art of deflection. Conversations with this whiner will be sprinkled generously with phrases such as:
"They won't let me."
"They did (or didn't)…"
"I'm waiting for them to… "They were supposed to…"
"If they would only…"
"They didn't tell me that was going to happen."
Teflon Whiners allow nothing that looks like responsibility stick to them.
Ask them about what they personally will do to remedy their current plight or business dilemma-then get out of the way. They will hurl other people's shortcoming at you at the speed of light.
They believe everyone else is at fault, or the cause of the problem at hand.
They are always the victim. Accountability never sticks to their slick surface. However, this surface can be selectively activated. You money and your valuable time can stick to Teflon Whiners like atomic-level bonding glue.
The idea of personal development is foreign.
Why do whiners whine? Pose this question to the average person and you are likely to get myriad answers. One of which might be "Why should I care?" (In all likelihood you'll get this response from someone who lists their lifelong address as the underside of a huge irregularly-shaped rock located on the picturesque slope of a grassy hill, from which they emerge annually to respond to significant life questions.) Whiners whine because it works more often than it fails. They rely on our generosity, kindness and sympathy. We can be kind and generous without enabling whininess. Sympathetically cooing "Oh your poor, poor dear" does not help people who demonstrate-with monotonous regularity-they will take no responsibility for themselves.
Rather, we might consider focusing our efforts on helping whiners take steps toward self sufficiency. After all, we are generous and caring. This may be the most valuable gift we can give them--the opportunity to manage their own lives. If they need more help along the way, we can provide gentle encouragement and help them discover solutions--provided they are willing to take responsibility for themselves.
Stop this madness…engage your Whiner detectors!
Vickie Locke is a certified Personal Coach and an avocate of personal accountability. Comments? Call 877-472-2341, email vickielocke@nowhinezone or visit www.nowhinezone.com com
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)This is a public comment. I think one overlooked reason why some people whine is because they don't hear it as whining. They hear it simply as conversation. I realized this when I asked a family member, who whined incessantly why she was doing so. She was stunned. She was just talking, she said. Knowing her well, I think it was true. Her whining wasn't the responsibility ducking kind. Rather she whined that the people across the street didn't keep their yard as nice as she'd like, or the restaurant served cool rolls instead of warm ones or gas was too expensive. Whatever. What made this whining was that she wouldn't just comment. She'd comment indignantly and at great length, on and on, about things that would always be out of her control or frankly were none of her business or were simply petty. When I told her it seemed like whining to me, and I found a steady diet of it wearing and depressing, darned if a light didn't go off and she actually made an effort to have more positive conversations. It was almost as if she heard herself for the first time. Bravo to her for making an effort to be more agreeable. The rest of our family appreciates it, too.
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